Joy Is an Inside Job
I read something recently in passing that said, “Joy is an inside job.” I agree wholeheartedly. And yet, it is one of those simple and profound truths that bears repeating. Being human, we need repetition to fully learn something. And some life lessons take a lifetime of repeating before we “get” them. It is a good thing “Joy” is my middle name, as well as part of my business name, Joyfull Communications, to remind me repeatedly to seek joy within.
It is one of the greatest temptations in life to look for joy outside of ourselves. If only I get that promotion, that client, that house, that relationship, that baby, that Amazon package, then I’ll be happy. Sound familiar? Or it could be as simple as looking forward to the weekend, thinking the weekend will bring you much-needed and longed-for joy after a grueling workweek. Or eagerly anticipating the end of a project. Or counting on your partner to bring you joy the moment you walk in the door. All of these seem fairly innocent and typical of most of us. The trouble is, they all rely on something or someone outside of yourself to bring you joy.
So then what does it look and feel like to find joy within? Is it organic, natural to each of us or does it require cultivation? How do we know when we’ve found it, and once we have, how do we keep it, or at least, keep returning to it?
For me, joy looks and feels like sunlight, warmth, bursting from every cell in my body. It is found in the wonder of a child experiencing something for the first time and in the comfort of being held for the one thousandth time. It feels like a bite of the most delicious meal you’ve ever had at the moment you are hungriest. It sounds like the whir of a hummingbird’s wings, delighted to have found the nectar it was seeking. It looks like the smile of recognition exchanged between two strangers witnessing the same touching moment. When I feel joy, it feels like a deep knowing, like being bathed in pure light.
I can only speak from my own experience and those I’ve surveyed. From what I’ve learned from those, I believe joy is natural to each of us. And I believe it requires cultivation. It can easily be squashed, dismissed or ignored. That doesn’t mean it goes away; I don’t believe anything can take our joy away. But it does mean that it is at the mercy of the person holding it to be cultivated, expressed, felt. And it is worth noting that different people, based on their environment and level of privilege, face different obstacles to overcome in order to cultivate and express joy. The beauty of joy, though, is that it is a quality of being that no one can ever take from you.
Once we’ve found it, I think the key to keeping joy, or at least, continually returning to joy (which may be the best any of us can do), is gratitude. Whether you say it out loud, “I’m so grateful for this day!”, or write it in a journal, or simply think it to yourself, feeling and expressing gratitude is essential to creating more of what you are grateful for. Much like a seed that grows and sprouts, each seed of joy must be cultivated. In expressing gratitude, we create an environment ripe for joy to grow. Even if it is for the simplest thing, such as, “I am grateful to be alive,” we are fostering more joyful aliveness. I am reminded of the famous quote by Howard Thurman,
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
How true this is! And how much joy it creates in me to think of each of us coming alive and doing what makes us come alive with gusto! Fully expressed, joy is contagious and inspires others.
Even though joy is an inside job, when we express it freely, it can change our environment, people we are close to, and ultimately, as it ripples out, the world. Our materialistic Western society has gotten it all wrong; the journey is not to seek joy outside of ourselves in order to feel fulfilled within. The journey is to cultivate and feel joy within in order to share it with the outside world. This joyful journey will simultaneously fulfill our own purpose as well as help others. It is ironic that the ultimate selfless act begins within the Self.
But what can you do if gratitude feels impossible? If you find yourself at rock bottom or in a sad or dark place, how can you return to joy? I don’t think effort is the answer here. Patience is paramount. Being gentle with yourself, kind to yourself and accepting where you are allows you to be where you are. And strangely enough, when you feel safe and allowed to be where you are, you might find yourself looking around and gravitating towards small things that bring you joy. If it is our natural state of being, like a buoy, you’ll bob to the surface eventually and feel the sunlight on your face, the fresh air on your skin. There is no timeline for this process except your own. It often happens spontaneously, freely, this return to joy.
Brené Brown defines joy in her book, Atlas of the Heart, as “an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure and appreciation.” It is this depth of feeling that makes joy feel so personal and so vast at the same time. It can be hard to express joy in words, to fully convey the intensity of feeling. This is where laughter, tears, touch and other forms of expression like art come in and enable us to share our felt joy with others. When I have shared moments of joy with friends or family, I have noticed that we often don’t speak. We simply squeeze each other’s hands, or let tears pool in our eyes, or jump up and down together. While I believe language is a powerful tool to inspire joy or describe joyful experiences, to fully feel joy from its source one must go back to the beginning, inside, where the light emanates. And as a gentle reminder, from one human to another, the way back to the center of ourselves is either through gratitude or patience or both.
What are you grateful for today?
