How Your Inner Stories Shape Your Outer Life
When we think about telling, writing or sharing stories, we often think about the stories we put out into the world. But the stories we tell ourselves may be the most powerful stories we have. Brene Brown said, “You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Owning your story is hard work. Being conscious of the small stories we tell ourselves every day that make up the great big story of our life takes a significant level of awareness and presence.
What are your inner stories? What do you tell yourself on a daily basis? Some of us tell ourselves things like, “I am struggling, unlovable and unworthy.” And some of us tell ourselves things like, “I am capable, loved and whole.” Many of us have stories that land somewhere in between. And it is often not obvious that we are telling ourselves a story at all. The mind can be a trickster and subtly slip a belief in. You may have completely bought into a story about yourself you don’t even remember the origin of. This is why sharing our inner stories out loud in safe spaces (with close friends, family or a therapist) and journaling about them can be so helpful. These outer “believing mirrors,” as Julia Cameron calls them in her latest book, The Listening Path, are essential for reflecting our inner stories back to us. Only then can we see them for what they are and decide for ourselves if they are stories we want to keep, edit or toss.
Another important question to consider is: Who is narrating your story? I wrote in an earlier blog post about how we all have parts of ourselves, and often one of those parts takes over as narrator. Is the narrator your cheerleader? Your inner critic? Your warrior? Your inner child? Ultimately, you will know when the story is being told by your higher Self, the most authentic narrator, because it will feel good and true, through and through. It doesn’t mean the other parts of ourselves can’t or don’t have a voice at the table of consciousness; it just means we, as the Self, listen to them, filter their stories through discernment, then tell ourselves the complete story that most aligns with our being.
“Take closer care of your inner stories. They create your outer life.” -Dr. Jaiya John
From my own experiences recently, I have learned how quickly we can change and create new inner stories. I’ve become fascinated by primal habits lately and how they can influence not only our physical health, but also our mental well-being. I’ve added daily cold showers and occasional cold plunging to my routine, and as a result, I rapidly told myself a new inner story based on the cold courage I discovered. My new story is that I am wildly courageous, and I have a deep reservoir of energy to draw from when faced with tough challenges. This story has been true my whole life, but it took waking it up through a new physical practice to bring it fully to consciousness and intentionally act on it.
When our inner stories become conscious and we embrace them, we free ourselves to act authentically. (That is, presuming the inner story is aligned with your current values and desires.) In my example, I tapped into a deep inner story that already existed, but lay mostly dormant, in order to complete an outer challenge. Then in forming a habit out of the challenge, I reinforce the inner story again and again and am utilizing it to make powerful changes in my work and my life. The inner story and outer life are constantly exchanging energy, and it is our responsibility to be mindful of which stories we are telling ourselves and how they are affecting, not only our behavior and results, but also the people around us.
When we neglect or ignore our inner stories, we may see important aspects of our outer lives falling apart or out of alignment with who we are. We also may notice that the people we love or interact with on a regular basis are responding to us differently. These observations, if we let them, can direct us inward so we can evaluate what may need to change about our inner stories in order to better align our actions with our higher Self. This makes us transparent to others and builds trust, love / appreciation, and a connected sense of peace. This level of transparency is vital to both healthy personal relationships as well as healthy business relationships.
In business, the inner story is the equivalent of a company mission, culture and brand. These essential elements pervade every aspect of a business and create its inner story. Then the outer manifestation of the business comes alive with possibilities that directly reflect the mission and intentions of the culture. Typically, the founder or owner of a business is its storyteller, and they write and communicate the inner stories to all the people the business interacts with. When the core story of a business is unclear or not communicated well, its partners, employees, stakeholders and clients can get disjointed, and the outer practice of the business in the world gets muddy.
Try changing one of your or your business’ inner stories just slightly. For example, instead of “my partner / children / employees / clients are here to support me,” try, “my partner / children / employees / clients thrive when I am thriving. Notice the subtle, but important, shift? Then watch how your outer life responds. What changes? Is it you or your outer environment responding to you? Or both? How are they connected?
Here are 5 practical steps to write/tell an inner story that will create an outer life you love:
Ask yourself, “What inner stories am I telling myself?” Sit in silence, meditate and become the witness. Listen to what comes.
Journal about the inner stories you became aware of. Which ones feel true? Which ones might need some editing to match your current trajectory? What new inner stories do you want to tell yourself?
Share one of your inner stories with someone you trust. Ask them if it feels true to them and what they might change about it to better align with who you are. Listen. Then edit if their response feels true.
Review your values, desires and non-negotiables at the beginning of each day, week, and month. Then block time to honor them. For a personal example, if you value being in nature, desire to get more fit and it is a non-negotiable to walk your dog each day, schedule time when you walk or hike outside with your dog each day, and honor it. For a business example, if you value teamwork, desire to collaborate more and it is a non-negotiable that you finish Project A this month, schedule time to meet with your team (or time to find your team, then meet with them) to collaborate until you have completed Project A, and honor it.
Look to storytelling superstars. Who or what businesses are demonstrating outer lives that you admire and seek for yourself? What do they do? How do they work? Try adopting just one of their mindsets to adjust your inner story and one of their practices to start adjusting your outer life.
The beauty of storytelling, whether individually or in business, is that we can always change the story. We have the free will to tell it differently, in new ways, with new voices, even a new ending. Inner stories are magically changeable. Keep editing them until you see the results you are seeking manifested. And stay alert to your own inner stories over time as they can morph and go through plot twists when you least expect it. The good news - and the hard news - is that you are the storyteller. You are the raconteur of your life.
Most of the real work we do takes place within. It lays the foundation for us to thrive in our outer work. However, we can also learn from watching others, listening to and reading timeless wisdom and surrounding ourselves with people who care about cultivating positive, uplifting, life-changing inner stories in order to transform themselves and the world around them. Do the inner work. Then pay attention and marvel at how the universe conspires to help you create an outer life you love.
How have you witnessed your inner stories shape your outer life?
