The Joy of Missing Out
There’s been a strong counter-culture lately of JOMO – the Joy of Missing Out – against the all-pervasive FOMO – Fear of Missing Out – propagated by social media. I will admit it can be hard for me as an extrovert to embrace the joy of missing out when all I want to do is everything! When we are inundated on social media with events, ideas for projects, pictures of friends doing fun, fascinating things, it can feel tough to slow down and tune in to our own inner joy. Yet that is what many of us need most right now.
An article from the Washington Post on JOMO states:
“The research into JOMO is nascent and focuses on the effects of social media. But we can find JOMO in the rest of our lives, too, by choosing when we want to step away. JOMO can feel rejuvenating because it helps us stop being preoccupied with other people.”
Some of my favorite quotes about competition and comparison have to do with only competing with yourself and comparison being the thief of joy, implying it might be wise for us to focus inward for a more expansive view. It is counter-intuitive at first, but overindulging in others’ lives can leave us feeling less than, exhausted and defeated. If we are turning to social media (or any kind of media, for that matter) for education and inspiration in moderation, it can serve us. But if we get caught in the whirlwind of FOMO, we soon find ourselves lost for hours and wonder how we spent so much time scrolling.
Being intentional with our time and consciously choosing to miss out on things outside our own life design can result in powerful deep work, peaceful rest and lasting joy. This is not to say we turn down every spontaneous invitation or completely ignore the outside world. It is simply to say, you are the captain of your ship. Where do you want to steer it?
An article in Psychology Today defines JOMO as:
“the emotionally intelligent antidote to FOMO… [It’s] essentially about being present and being content with where you are at in life.”
Hmmm… the part of this definition that sticks with me is that it is “essentially about being present.” “Presence” is my word this year, the mirror I am holding up to myself each day to remind myself of what is important. So as hard as the concept of JOMO may seem to implement (since I really don’t like the feeling of missing out), in reality, it is in its simplest form the practice of being present.
While being present sounds simple enough, JOMO is not a one-size-fits-all kind of approach. In fact, it is the exact opposite. There are as many different expressions of JOMO as there are unique human beings on this brilliant, spinning planet. This is why I’m not going to give you a bulleted list of “how to JOMO” – that’s up to you to determine (or read the articles I linked to here if you truly need ideas). What I will do is share what has worked for me and encourage you to be curious and explore how you could “miss out” on something today and instead choose something that sparks joy in you.
As I’ve experimented with JOMO lately, some things I’ve done that have worked for me include:
Snuggling with my daughter on the couch a little longer than usual
Watching a live dance performance on a rooftop on a windy night and getting swept up in the emotion of each movement so much so that I forgot where I was
Talking with my kids about technology as a tool and having open dialogue about how it helps us (or doesn’t)
Leaving my phone behind when going for walks or hikes in nature
Removing at least one thing from my calendar each week that I don’t absolutely have to do
Setting my phone on “do not disturb” and putting it more than an arms length away when doing deep, focused work
Allowing myself to take catnaps*
*these are usually taken with my dog, not my cat, since she would just walk all over me. ;)
JOMO may feel a bit like navel-gazing since it is self-care focused, however, I have found that when I’m truly choosing to “miss out” on things I don’t really need to attend, watch or participate in, I am free to choose activities I love. And when we love what we do, we shine differently. We contribute in a deeper way. We light up the room, and most importantly, we fuel our own soul. When we intentionally steer our own ship, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman
Ultimately, practicing presence and the joy of missing out is an unselfish act. It serves the greater good, the larger community, the world as a whole, because we are focused on our own individual dharmas. (Dharma, for those who may be unfamiliar, is a principle in Indian philosophy that means “right way of living, duty or purpose”). When we are true to ourselves and our own path, it is easier to see others who might be great collaborators with us. We are not distracted by all that we are “missing out” on and spreading our attention thin. Doing deep work and resting deeply feels like the best way to access joy and make the biggest impact. Our health thrives, our business or work becomes lighter, and our family joins in the joy.
In fact, you may find in practicing JOMO that you are not actually missing out on anything at all. It may become clear to you that you are instead creating the life you truly want to live. When we adopt this mindset and shift our focus from loss to gain, joy is inevitable. Purposeful living and work becomes second nature, and deciding what is allowed on our path of joy is as easy as breathing. We are less concerned with belonging (because now we belong fully to ourselves), and we become more concerned with what belongs in our life. Deciding to miss out on what does not belong makes room for joy you didn’t even know existed. In letting go, we may find more joy than we ever thought possible.
What are a few ways you could practice JOMO this week?
